Merry Claudemas to all! On the day of the birth of the one and only Claude Giroux (and Marian Hossa, aaaand Nik Kronwall), the NHL announced their picks for the 2012 All Star Game. With the shear volume of men involved in this weekend in Ottawa, I’ve opted to bring back the trend of tweeting the winners (and losers) of each team.
- Anaheim Ducks – Perry -“Hart Trophy winners or bust!” Bobby will cry into his wine and Olive Garden breadsticks. Getzy will shine his dome.
- Boston Bruins – Segsy takes an extra alarm clock, Chara coming with a harder shot, Thomas will buy MANY burgers with top pick. #PlzNoPeggyProblems
- Buffalo Sabres – Captain Pominville is the only top gun not rehabbing. Luke Adam making the rookie debut to end rookie debuts. Seriously, they have no more.
- Calgary Flames – Jarome notching a 7th appearance. Hardest working man in hockey is back!
- Carolina Hurricanes – Faulk taking Skinner’s place, hoping to make the same seasonal impact. Repping while Jeff sits home with Beiber Fever.
- Chicago Blackhawks – Usual suspects. Toews wants revenge on Kane for last year. Pokefest ensues. Hossa rolls his eyes and gets back to playing his Nintendo GS
- Colorado Avalanche – Two words:
Babe, er, Gabe Landeskog
- Columbus Blue Jackets– Ry Jo showing up for his team. Fine! Rick goes puppy shopping in protest. Wiz and Carter bleach each other’s hair.
- Dallas Stars – Benn’s repping the green and gold, Lady Byng nom Eriksson is snubbed.
- Detroit Red Wings – Datsykian dekes for all! Howard will have to stop them. Lidstrom vacays with the kids this year.
- Edmonton Oilers – The Nuge to rule all rookies. Meanwhile the Flow will move his things out to the front lawn. Rest of the kid line buys $300 in groceries.
- Florida Panthers – Campbell goes it alone. When asked his thoughts on the snub, Versteeg says: “Big Girls Don’t Cry”
- Los Angeles Kings – No Kopi, no Richie, no JJ, no Doughty so Quick will room with Bailey.
- Minnesota Wild – Capt Koivu the lone ambassador for the State of Hockey
- Montreal Canadiens – Save a horse, ride the coat tails of Carey Price cause he’s all they’re sending. PK Subban harumphs in the background.
- Nashville Predators – Gruesome defensive twosome of Weber and Suter make rookie Craig Smith sit in coach… and carry their bags.
- New Jersey Devils – Only the kids can go. Henrique and Larson have no complaints.
- New York Islanders – Tavares goes it alone. Aidan Grabner is not pleased.
- New York Rangers – Gabs is back! He strings Girardi along. King Henrik and his hair products follow behind.
- Ottawa Senators – Host team. Threw half their players on the roster. Will Karlsson be back in time?
- Philadelphia Flyers – Grilled Cheesus brings Kimmo Therapy (wrist pending). Little Couts and Old Rookie Read reppin the kids. #HartnellDown in the dumps w/ a snub
- Phoenix Coyotes – Teach Me How To
Yandle is playing ONLY fiddle for Phoenix.
- Pittsburgh Penguins – Ice packs in hand, Geno goes as the only healthy Penguin. Letang, Crosby, Neal, Staal, and Fleury take much needed rest.
- San Jose Sharks – Cooder goes from rookie to All Star. Jumbo Joe sits at home. Maybe next year, Havlat?
- St Louis Blues – Elliot with an upset! Snubs for Backes, Perron, Pietrangelo and Oshie don’t make sense. Get to sing the blues at home.
- Tampa Bay Lightning– Stamkos flies solo. Are you still taking this game seriously?
- Toronto Maple Leafs – Dion makes top 6, Lupul says “Sweet” and Kessel comes to avenge his last pick from last year.
- Vancouver Canucks – Edler in a Sedin sandwich while Cody Hodgson brushes up on signing Upper Deck cards. http://youtu.be/ObJ-E_8lFas
- Washington Capitals – Ovi goes to Ottawa and hopes he’s not picked last. A shocked Wideman punches his ticket to his 1st All Star Game.
- Winnipeg Jets – Big Buff repping the renewed Jets if he gets back on his skates in time.
There you have it. The game should prove interesting but we will all be watching for the draft and skills competition. Congrats to your players and remember: it’s all in fun. Your team’s snub could be one injury away from making the cut.